One is just completely pointless, so as to not warrant comment outside of the mocking redistribution I have posted.
The second is substantially more moronic, both in it's complete strategic failure and in it's rudimentary poopy humor. Don't get me wrong, I am all for potty jokes, but this is on the level of first a grade recess dirty joke. like this;
Q: Why do women have both a vagina and an asshole?
A: So that when they pass out drunk, you can carry them home like a six pack.
funny, in it's complete crassness, but stupid, in that it makes absolutely no sense and thus, does not relate to the world at all. The best humor is social observation. And as we all found out after the first grade, the people who tell such inaccurate and useless jokes are the least experienced in the subject matter.
If you have rust on your dick, it's an STD.
Spray-paint neither hides nor helps and STD.
Read more!
8.08.2008
8.06.2008
Crazy From The Heat
Recently I was at Half Price Bookstore elbows-deep in my latest literary tour-de-force, the Orkin Capenter Ant Brochure, when an irate middle-aged black lady with a fiery look in her eyes ran into the sitting area and passed judgement on all of us.
“I don’t know who it is,” she yelled, “but one of you zoned me. And I want you to STOP. You hear me?” She took a good look at each of our dumbfounded faces and stormed out.
And just as our gasps began giving way to snickers, she stormed back in.
“I’m sorry” she loudly announced, “If it’s not any of you, I’m sorry. But one of you all zoned me. And I will NOT be zoned.” She put emphasis on the word “not” by pounding the chair back of a pony-tailed man sitting directly in front of her. Then ran out of the store, slamming the door during her exit.
It’s weird, but she was so convincing in her accusations, that I couldn’t help but feel a small twinge of guilt after she left.
To this day, I’m still not sure what she meant by zoning (perhaps she lost a basketball game; or received a call from the urban planning office), but I for one am stopping it right now. In fact, we should all stop it.
It’s no picnic. Read more!
7.24.2008
"Now More than Ever"
Nominated for the years laziest, most expected, meaningless, rape and bastardization of what was once a powerful and meaningful phrase.
To step beyond this manipulative and culturally abusive phrase, I propose these similar lines:
"In God We Trust"
(potential commercial uses - military recruitment, driver's education, CIA code-word)
"day that will live in infamy"
(commercial use - herpes medication, morning after pill, dr. kevorkian, get out the vote campaigns, gun shops)
"united we Stand"
(Commercial use - leprosy advocates, special olympics, military propaganda, character assassination political ads, the polio foundation, anti-landmine legislation, gay marriage advocates, etc... universally meaningless) Read more!
To step beyond this manipulative and culturally abusive phrase, I propose these similar lines:
"In God We Trust"
(potential commercial uses - military recruitment, driver's education, CIA code-word)
"day that will live in infamy"
(commercial use - herpes medication, morning after pill, dr. kevorkian, get out the vote campaigns, gun shops)
"united we Stand"
(Commercial use - leprosy advocates, special olympics, military propaganda, character assassination political ads, the polio foundation, anti-landmine legislation, gay marriage advocates, etc... universally meaningless) Read more!
the force of steam be with you
Why settle for extreme nerdiness, when you could combine with extreme dorkiness, extreme weirdness, and extreme geekiness for the all-powerfull.....
Steampunk starwars figurines.
virgins everywhere, eat your hearts out. Read more!
Steampunk starwars figurines.
virgins everywhere, eat your hearts out. Read more!
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