12.17.2008

A few heads of Cerebus






My money is on history proving that these men and their associates are extremely manipulative criminals who've fleeced Americans of Trillions. High Treason.

Cerebus

The Hoover Institution

Halliburton

Watch Read more!

THIS will be the end of the show.

If I were writing the stage directions for the end of the world.

locusts, plagues, seas of fire,
chrome, glitter, LCD screens, neon,
fireworks dancers jugglers
ALL timed to coordinate with this song:
Read more!

12.12.2008

Protect us from Overdraft Protection, 2

Overdraft protection bill currently in House. H.R. 946.

As an aside, and potential additional research, isn't forcing a mandatory fee on a customer in return for "protection" basically racketeering? It's an involuntary loan at absurd cost. Are these banks really that different from the mafia?

From Wikipedia
Several forms of racket exist. The best-known is the protection racket, in which criminals demand money from businesses in exchange for the service of "protection" against crimes that the racketeers themselves instigate if unpaid.

Overdraft, is a charge to protect me from a charge, no?

See also, Securities Fraud
Securities fraud is a practice in which investors make purchase or sale decisions on the basis of false information, frequently resulting in losses, in violation of the securities laws.
Overdraft fees occur most commonly in ATM and debit transactions to purchase items that are frequently less expensive than the protection fee itself. Tell me how many people would voluntarily pay $36 for the morning coffee? When the terminal says to them "you are charging $1.00 for this transaction. Is this correct?" The ATM and the website say they have the money to cover it, then days later, they get hit with a $35 charge.

Bold faced crime.

(If I disappear, look to Bank of America first).

-John Smith Read more!
The vast (very vast) majority of Texas may be Red State, but I have found my redemption...


In continuing research on bank "overdraft protection" abuse, I stumbled onto more in depth knowledge of our congress-WOMAN .. who I am now proud to have voted for 3 times.
Eddie Bernice Johnson, born in Waco, represents Texas' 32nd district, but is no stereotypical Texan.
She was a leading voice in opposition to the Authorization for Use of Military Force Against Iraq Resolution of 2002. During debate on the house floor, she stated:
"I am not convinced that giving the President the authority to launch a unilateral, first-strike attack on Iraq is the appropriate course of action at this time. While I believe that under international law and under the authority of our Constitution, the United States must maintain the option to act in its own self-defense, I strongly believe that the administration has not provided evidence of an imminent threat of attack on the United States that would justify a unilateral strike. I also believe that actions alone, without exhausting peaceful options, could seriously harm global support for our war on terrorism and distract our own resources from this cause."

Johnson pledged her support as a superdelegate to Barack Obama.

Read more!

Note

Where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails, and where any one class is made to feel that society is an organized conspiracy to oppress, rob and degrade them, neither persons nor property will be safe.

* Frederick Douglass Speech on the twenty-fourth anniversary of Emancipation in the District of Columbia, Washington, D.C. (April 1886)


Why do you not judge for yourselves what is right?

Jesus in Luke 12:57


Only after a big disaster, you fix the problem.

빈 수레가 요란하다.


When one has little substance, he/she tends to boast more.

티끌모아 태산.


Ge cruaidh sgarachdainn, cha robh dithis gun dealachadh.
Though separation be hard, two never met but had to part.
Gaelic-Scottish Proverb



出る杭は打たれる。

* Deru kui wa utareru.
* Literally: The stake that sticks out gets hammered down.
Japanese proverb


A good friend is someone who will bail you out of jail, but your best friend is the one sitting next to you saying "Man, we screwed up."
American Proverb

I'd be a failure if it weren't for all the mistakes I've made
American Proverb Read more!

12.11.2008

12.06.2008

A Terrible Omen

Recently there have been scores of reports from citizens who've found themselves confronted with Dick Cheney's of higher than usual aggressive behavior.

Documented reports include;

42 separate random attacks. Victims all recall a Cheney stalking them for hours, and, when they were alone the Cheney bit and scratched them for no particular reason.

14 orphans have gone missing entirely.

2 women and 9 stray dogs have reported being raped by a Cheney, each victim subsequently died giving birth to troll-demon Cheney spawn.

83 people have been found unconscious in alleyways around town, all had suffered severe blood loss from bite wounds on the neck.

6 high profile lawyers have been shot in the face point-blank with bird-shot

11 male prostitutes were discovered chained in a dungeon, they were severely malnourished, most had burn wounds that the victims swear were marks from where a Cheney had touched them.


Reports of Cheney attacks are growing in number and severity as we near the end of his term in office. We speculate that he is practicing for a larger campaign of terror once he is entirely unemployed.


WHAT TO DO IF YOU ENCOUNTER A CHENEY

Do not run.

Pick up any children or animals you may have with you, make yourself look as big as possible. If you can, grunt loudly. Even better, eat an orphan, Cheney's seem to shy from any formidable competition.

If a Cheney bites or claws you, do not scream (he seems to go into a feeding frenzy at the first hint of fear). If you can, gouge his eyeballs. If this is not an option Defecate yourself. Even Cheneys prefer not to eat shit.

If you are bit by a Dick Cheney, wash the wound immediately with Lye, and then have a friend suck the poison out. If possible, gather a fecal sample from the Cheney, this helps doctors more accurately apply antibodies to prevent further infection (remember to lift with your knees). Also, as soon as possible, have blessings performed on the wound by witch doctors from at least three different denominations.

Do not accept any business proposals from a Cheney. No one has ever returned alive from a Cheney business proposal.

Lastly squeeze all of you orifices as tightly as possible. No one has survived birthing a Cheney Demon Spawn.

Carry A Barbara Bush mating caller (George H. W. Bush songs of seduction). She seems to be the only beast capable of scaring off a Cheney. WARNING: If you have to summon a Barbara Bush, do so as a last resort, she can be as/or more dangerous than the original rabid Cheney.

Be vigilant, good luck, god speed.
Read more!

Today's Prediction

A deluge of political cartoonists find themselves unemployed in January.

Who'd have thought "generic black man" caricature would have offended so many people. Who'd have thought black skin wasn't a tell-tale character give-away, like glasses, facial hair, or a big nose.

Should have paid more attention to the "drawing people of ethnicity" section. Read more!

12.05.2008

A major occurance in a shotgun shack.

Shotgun Hues

Things I have learned in my short time here.

1- The biggest and the best things to happen in a person's life are never expected.

2- Blessings are curses, and curses are blessings.

3- Y'only live once.

4- Happiness is people is love.

5- The only absolute thing in the world is this statement.

6- A picture can tell a thousand words, but it still doesn't scratch the surface of the real story.

7- The golden rule.

Read more!

What's up in them boondocks anyhow?


visited 34 states (68%)
Create your own visited map of The United States or try another Douwe Osinga project Read more!

Movie characters who need to be assaulted. Part 1

Lars Lars and the Real Girl
Sociopathic loser has a delusional relationship with a sex doll (who talks with him). The entire town PLAYS ALONG and perpetuates his delusion. All he needs is a good punch in the face.
(spoiler alert)


Lars has fallen madly in love with a fuck doll. She "talks" to him, he talks back, he is completely oblivious to the realities of the situation (in spite of having just purchased said fuck doll for a few grand from a porno site a month earlier). We're lead to believe that by playing along with this craziness the otherwise sane characters are helping Lars work out his problems. But suddenly his devoted relationship tragically ends. The fuck doll "dies" of a made up disease. Complete with medivac, hospital stay, and full service church funeral (who paid?). It's implied that this is a positive development, because it symbolizes that Lars is "over" his SOCIOPATHIC-PSYCHOTIC DELUSION and ready to get real... Bunnies and rainbows.

What the movie casually glosses over, if you follow the logic that Bianka's "thoughts, actions, and words" are really Lars' delusions working themselves out, is that Lars KILLS the real doll when she's no longer convenient.

He had begun to fall madly out of love with "Bianka", when a casual remark at a party full of friends kindly PLAYING ALONG WITH HIS DELUSION, sets off feelings of insecurity, as if he might lose his inanimate, submissive, sex doll to someone else (must be high demand for sloppy second fuck dolls). This is accelerated by an episode where one of the church ladies (who's also playing along) takes Bianka off to "volunteer at the church" AND HE WANTED TO PLAY SCRABBLE WITH HER GOD DAMNIT!... Lars has a nuclear meltdown and breaks things, he can no longer control her every move. The final nail in the anatomically correct coffin is when Lars realizes that he's jealous of a real life girl who's finally given up on persistently, relentlessly, and hopelessly chasing his crazy ass (after he started dating the fuck doll).

Suddenly, oh look, oh no, Bianka is sick. Oh no she's dying. Oh no she's dead. PSYCHO. KILLER. This is a drawn out, planned, highly visible murder of a fuck doll. The entire movie has been built around humanizing this thing, and then, oh goodie she's dead... everyone's better.

Any real friend would have immediately tore off the dolls head
to prove to Lars that it was a fake plastic doll.

Empathizing with, and perpetuating his abusive objectification and delusional perversion of both women and relationships, is equivalent to empathising with John Wayne Gacy fucking little boys to death.

We all have problems, most of us don't force them on the world, and hopefully none of us have entire town pushing us down the dark spiral of
dangerous delusions of grandeur and latent psychological violence. This man needs a padded room. Not friends. Certainly not a relationship.

Lars gets 8 punches to the face out of 10.

And 20 years behind bars. For attempted first degree murder and attempted rape in the first degree. "Attempted" because, despite the whole world's belief to the contrary, Bianka is plastic.
Read more!

12.04.2008

chop chop chop

Viacom cuts 7% of Workforce Read more!

Protect Us from Overdraft Protection

Maybe with the current economic crisis nipping at our wallets, questionable banking practices will get the scrutiny they desperately need. And I'm not just talking about subprime mortgages, credit default swaps, and risky investments. I'm talking personal banking. I'm talking overdraft fees.

I've been hit with them before, but now that my currently unemployed fiance and I are relying solely on one income to cover our bills, we're getting flogged. We both bank with Bank of America, and at the moment, I have a pretty big bone to pick with these shady practices.

Here's a quick rundown of what you get with Bank of America:

* Pending transactions are just that - pending. As in not yet processed. So when you check your balance at an atm, online, even over the phone, the balance you'll see won't be your current balance, but your current balance plus or minus any transactions that haven't posted yet.

* Transactions are processed from largest to smallest. Meaning be prepared for a waterfall of $35 overdraft fees. All because Bank of America decided to process your $700 rent check before your $25 in gas, your $8 bag of cat food, your $4 smoothie, and your $3 magazine. Before you even realize you're in the red, you've just racked up $140 in fees.

* Oh and by the way, this free service comes standard with your checking account. It's called overdraft protection and while it might protect you from bouncing checks, it won't protect you from their fees.

Of course, BoA isn't the only one taking advantage of their consumers with exorbitant fees. It seems all the big banks are doing it according to an FDIC survey. And the survey says...

According to the FDIC:

•Most banks that automatically enroll consumers allow them to overdraw by check, ATM or debit card purchases. About half of all overdrafts occur at ATMs or via debit card transactions, which tend to be for smaller dollar amounts.

•Banks surveyed earned $1.97 billion in overdraft-related fees in 2006, representing 74% of their overall $2.66 billion in service charges on deposit accounts. In total, overdraft-related fees bring in $17.5 billion each year to banks and credit unions, estimates advocacy group Center for Responsible Lending.

•Large banks are more likely to process transactions from largest to smallest dollar amount, often triggering more fees.

•Young and low-income consumers are disproportionately affected by overdraft fees. "The most vulnerable consumers are getting hit with these fees," says Chi Chi Wu of the National Consumer Law Center.

HOW BANKS PROCESS TRANSACTIONS

Large banks are more likely to clear checks from large to small dollar amounts, often triggering more overdraft fees.
Asset size
Pct. of banks clearing checks large to small
Less than $250 million
20.7%
$250 million to less than $1 billion
25.8%
More than $1 billion
53.7%
All banks
24.7%
Source: FDIC survey of 1,171 banks it regulates; 289 banks responded to question about check clearing and dollar amounts
Read more!

12.01.2008

The People's Lord of the Rings

This is only funny if you're both a political nerd and a LOTR nerd.
McSweeney's article with Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky's audio commentary on LOTR.

Too funny.
Read more!

11.28.2008

Why do schools of whales beach themselves?

Wal-Mart worker dies after shoppers knock him down


12:11 PM CST on Friday, November 28, 2008

Associated Press

NEW YORK -- Police say a Wal-Mart worker has died after being trampled by a throng of unruly shoppers shortly after the Long Island store opened Friday.

Nassau County police say the 34-year-old worker was taken to a hospital where he was pronounced dead at about 6 a.m., an hour after the store opened. The cause of death was not immediately known.

A police statement says a throng of shoppers “physically broke down the doors, knocking him to the ground.” Police also say a 28-year-old pregnant woman was taken to a hospital for observation.

Wal-Mart Stores Inc., in Bentonville, Arkansas, would not confirm the reports of a stampede during the day-after-Thanksgiving bargain hunting, but said a “medical emergency” caused them to close the store.

Read more!

11.21.2008

no comment necessary

Read more!

11.20.2008

Oh DAMN this guy is good.


Read more!

The whole world hates George W. Bush

But they will still love him in Dallas. Sigh.

Read more!

The Chemical makeup of the human body

Useful knowledge... i think.. listed out in detail belowElement Percent of MassMass (kg)Oxygen65% of mass43kgCarbon18% of mass16kgHydrogen10% of mass7kgNitrogen3% of mass1.8kgCalcium1.5% of mass1.0kgPhosphorus1% of mass0.780kgPotassium0.25% of mass0.140kgSulfur0.25% of mass0.140kgSodium0.15% of mass0.100kgChlorine0.15% of mass0.095kg
Magnesium
0.05% of mass0.019kgIron
0.006% of mass
0.0042kgFluorine0.0037% of mass0.0026kgZinc
0.0032% of mass0.0023kgSilicon 0.002% of mass0.0010kgRubidium
0.00046% of mass0.00068kgStrontium0.00046% of mass0.00032kgBromine0.00029% of mass0.00026kgLead
0.00017
% of mass
0.00012kgCopper0.0001
% of mass0.000072kgAluminium0.000087% of mass0.000060kgCadmium
0.000072
% of mass
0.000050kg
Cerium0.000040
% of mass
Barium0.000031% of mass0.000022kgTin
0.000024
% of mass0.000020kg
Iodine0.000016
% of mass
0.000020kg
Titanium0.000013
% of mass0.000020kgBoron0.000069% of mass0.000018kgSelenium
0.000019
% of mass
0.000015kg
Nickel
0.000014
% of mass
0.000015kg
Chromium
0.0000024
% of mass
0.000014kg
Manganese
0.000017
% of mass
0.000012kg
Arsenic
0.000026
% of mass
0.000007kg
Lithium
0.0000031
% of mass
0.000007kg
Mercury
0.000019
% of mass
0.000006kgCaesium
0.0000021
% of mass
0.000006kg
Molybdenum
0.000013
% of mass
0.000005kg
Germanium
0.000005
% of massCobalt
0.0000021
% of mass0.000003kg
Antimony0.000011
% of mass0.000002kgSilver0.000001% of mass0.000002kgNiobium
0.00016
% of mass
0.0000015kgZirconium0.0006
% of mass0.000001kgLanthanum0.0000008% of massTellurium
0.000012
% of mass0.0000007kg
Gallium0.0000007
% of mass
Yttrium0.0000006% of massBismuth
0.0000005
% of massThallium0.0000005% of massIndium
0.0000004
% of massGold0.000014% of mass0.0000002kgScandium0.0000002% of massTantalum
0.0000002
% of massVanadium0.000026% of mass0.00000011kgThorium0.0000001% of massUranium
0.00000013
% of mass
0.0000001kg
Samarium
0.000000050
% of massTungsten0.000000020% of massBeryllium
0.000000005
% of mass
0.000000036kg
Radium0.00000000000000001
% of mass


More info
Read more!
Astronauts vow remaining tool bag won't drift away.

NASA guessed it cost about $100,000. Read more!

11.19.2008

HOLY CRAP

A little girl almost falls off of a cliff.

Disclaimer: this is a clip of a hyped-up nightly news story, complete with obnoxiously "alpha" male news-caster voice. The presentation is terrible so I'll put it in the "read more" so as not to clutter the cultural asylum. but it's good for a mild heart attack.



Read more!

yes. thermo-nuclear explosions. no. terrible score. huh? stupid editing.

Read more!

obama and mcfly 1955

Read more!

11.18.2008

More Television-Depression links

Television is one of the primary causes of depression and unhappiness.

I've long argued that Television leads to unhappiness and depression. We grow up with fantastic plot-lines in sitcoms and live by comparison. Rarely do you see people on television, watch television. Here is more proof. I'd love to fund a television-art-program that is just a show of people watching TV.
Read more!

11.14.2008

DEATH METAL BAND NAMES FROM SCIENCE BOOKS

None of these exist as far as i know, but they could and should.


Putrescine

Cadaverine

Mycotoxin

Read more!

11.10.2008

over.

the running roll of things that are over. or nearly over.

rogers & hammerstien references
gilbert & sullivan references
"Where you were when JKF was killed."
The expansion of the petrochemical industry.
bows + arrows.
Larry King.
Compassionate Conservatism.
Free-market Capitalism.
Whale-oil.
Moon-Men
Virginity until marriage.
Heaven, in the "pearly gates" sense.
Rocky Franchise.
White Jesus.
Multi-Tasking.
any "new black"
punk
Pogoballs (with a small chance of a brief resurgence)
Anti-Intellectualism (barring a catastrophic event)
Garage Bands.
"open" relationships.
privacy.
digital (and most other) media-copyrights.
Television. (as we know it)
land-lines
pennies (endangered: nickels. and on watch: dimes.)
Most large animals' natural habitats.
Freemasons.
Free, unlimited water.
unlimited internet.

and on the Please please please please please oh please, wish list:
the need for electric chords
or Regis Philbin (it's a tossup)
Read more!

11.08.2008

more gods being consumed... recurring theme

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ymir Read more!

11.07.2008

further signs of the growing black hole of human intelligence, also known as executive america

Viacom faces a number of challenges, chief among them is the fact that its cash cow networks, MTV, VH1 and BET, are having ratings problems.

The company claims that ratings have gone soft because teens and 20-somethings are are tired of repeat programming. The solution, according to chief executive Philippe Dauman, is to "increase the amount of original programming;" add more components to "engage viewers" and experiment with "new ways to better serve our young audience and marketing partners."

Viacom also plans to ramp up promotional spots for some of its hits, including "The Hills" (above), "America's Best Dance Group" and "Exiled;" and to roll out some new original programs.

The comments were made during Wednesday's conference call, which was held to discuss Viacom's fairly rotten third-quarter. Net income fell 37 percent to $401 million, or 65 cents per share, down from $641 million, or 96 cents per share, last year.
Read more!

Studs Terkel leaves with one last great line...

Curiosity never killed this cat.

Studs Terkel's proposed epitaph


which inspired a skim through some other great epitaphs...
here in no order.. are some i came across....



To save your world you asked this man to die:
Would this man, could he see you now, ask why?
The Unknown Soldier, written by W. H. Auden

My Jesus Mercy
Alphonse Capone

She failed her breathalizer test
now she lays with the best
Jeanine Custis
Rosehill Cemetery
Newburg, Indiana

Jefferson Davis
At Rest
An American Soldier
And Defender of the Constitution
(1808-1889)
Jefferson Davis
Hollywood Cemetery,
Richmond, Virginia

Bill Blake

Was hanged by mistake.

Colorado

Here lies a man named Zeke.

Second fastest draw in Cripple Creek.

Silver City, Nevada


Goembel

John E.

1867-1946

"The defense rests"


Here lies the body

of John Round.

Lost at sea

and never found.

Belturbet, Ireland


Here lies

Elizabeth,

my wife for 47 years,

and this is the first damn thing

she ever done to oblige me.

Streatham Churchyard, England


Here lies

Ezekiel Aikle

Age 102

The Good

Die Young.

East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia


I was somebody.

Who, is no business

of yours.

Stowe, Vermont


Cold is my bed, but oh, I love it,

For colder are my friends above it.

Calvary Cemetery, Chicago, Illinois


Ellen Shannon

age 26 years

Who was fatally burned

March 21, 1870

by the explosion of a lamp

filled with "R. E. Danforth's

Non-Explosive

Burning Fluid."

Girard, Pennsylvania


Arthur C. Homan's epitaph:

Once I wasn't

Then I was

Now I ain't again.

Cleveland, Ohio


Thomas Stagg's epitaph:

That is all

St. Giles Churchyard, London, England


Jesse James
Kearney, Missouri

Died April 3, 1882
Aged 34 years, 6 months, 28 days
Murdered by a traitor and a coward
whose name is not worthy
to appear here.


Val Nolan
Death Valley National Park, California
Died Aug 1931

Buried Nov 6 1931

A Victim of the Elements

Oscar Wilde
Pere Lachais,
Paris, France
And alien tears will fill for him
Pity's long-broken urn,
For his mourners will be outcast men,
And outcasts always mourn.


The body of Benjamin Franklin, printer (like the cover of an old book, its
contents worn out, and stript of its lettering and gilding) lies here, food for
worms. Yet the work itself shall not lost, for it will, as he
believed, appear once more In a new and more beautiful
edition, corrected and amended by its Author


Rodney Dangerfield - 1921-2004

"There goes the neighborhood."


"Hic depositum est, quod mortale fuit Isaaci Newtoni,"

which is translatable as

"here is deposited what was mortal of Isaac Newton"



Read more!

worldphuckingchamps

3rd strike for me... some punk is making a KILLING off of these shirts... Read more!

We the Raptures and we here to say...

a dialogue for a graphic novel i will never illustrate. Read more!

11.06.2008

Philadelphia will cut you!

revolutionary war cheval-de-frise found last year in great condition in delaware river, south philadelphia. I feel obliged as a Hessian to go attempt to impale myself on it. but i won't. america started here. Read more!
Read more!

10.28.2008

work

quotes about work. Read more!

10.21.2008

We drop mad bombs!



Not enough has been made of this line. I've got... 6 cheney hunting jokes, 2 h-bomb jokes, some friendly fire jokes, a few plane crash jokes... oh it goes on...

"We're not rifle shots here, we are Americans."- JMcCain, perhaps WAY more insightful than he intended to be. Read more!

10.15.2008

wow

I'm not one to post political speeches. But courage of this kind is rare and the should be reposted everywhere possible.

this man is a real man.




Read more!

10.02.2008

for my next project

Read more!

9.24.2008

9.16.2008

All you need to know about love

Read more!

sorry to double up the nina youtube posts

But this here is one of the best songs ever performed in the US.

Read more!

The first end credits that make me want to see the movie that came before them.

Read more!

9.15.2008

RAY

A celebration

Read more!

8.28.2008

they're fragile as eggs

Read more!

End of an Era

On long roadtrips, I have a game I used to love.

the rules are simple, but the results are limitless and hilarious.

basically, you call out every SUV you see by stating "Anal (the name of the model"

For Example: Anal explorer, anal mountaineer, anal armada, anal escapade, etc.

Of course, BMW, ininity and the likes screwed it all up when they started naming their SUVs x5.. anal x5 just doesn't sound nearly as good as anal bronco, anal pathfinder, or anal trooper.

regardless, the era I think is behind us. but it was great while it lasted. Read more!

Few are worthy of the coolness





of total control Read more!

8.27.2008

I'm sorry another video because it rocks my evil out.

Read more!

The Battle for Brooklyn

Today in History.

I always thought the Brits had a thing for Williamsburg. Guess they we 230 years too early.

They should have invaded Delaware and we would have let em have it. To quote A friend, "The Americans won the Revolutionary War because Britain was trying to 'give' us Delaware and just got carried away with it." Read more!

8.22.2008

yet another nerdcore youtube post

Read more!

muddy

Read more!

I'm a man

Read more!

8.21.2008

two contributions to the degradation of social conciousness

One is just completely pointless, so as to not warrant comment outside of the mocking redistribution I have posted.

The second is substantially more moronic, both in it's complete strategic failure and in it's rudimentary poopy humor. Don't get me wrong, I am all for potty jokes, but this is on the level of first a grade recess dirty joke. like this;

Q: Why do women have both a vagina and an asshole?
A: So that when they pass out drunk, you can carry them home like a six pack.

funny, in it's complete crassness, but stupid, in that it makes absolutely no sense and thus, does not relate to the world at all. The best humor is social observation. And as we all found out after the first grade, the people who tell such inaccurate and useless jokes are the least experienced in the subject matter.


If you have rust on your dick, it's an STD.
Spray-paint neither hides nor helps and STD. Read more!

8.08.2008

8.06.2008

Crazy From The Heat





Recently I was at Half Price Bookstore elbows-deep in my latest literary tour-de-force, the Orkin Capenter Ant Brochure, when an irate middle-aged black lady with a fiery look in her eyes ran into the sitting area and passed judgement on all of us.

“I don’t know who it is,” she yelled, “but one of you zoned me. And I want you to STOP. You hear me?” She took a good look at each of our dumbfounded faces and stormed out.

And just as our gasps began giving way to snickers, she stormed back in.

“I’m sorry” she loudly announced, “If it’s not any of you, I’m sorry. But one of you all zoned me. And I will NOT be zoned.” She put emphasis on the word “not” by pounding the chair back of a pony-tailed man sitting directly in front of her. Then ran out of the store, slamming the door during her exit.

It’s weird, but she was so convincing in her accusations, that I couldn’t help but feel a small twinge of guilt after she left.

To this day, I’m still not sure what she meant by zoning (perhaps she lost a basketball game; or received a call from the urban planning office), but I for one am stopping it right now. In fact, we should all stop it.

It’s no picnic. Read more!

7.24.2008

"Now More than Ever"

Nominated for the years laziest, most expected, meaningless, rape and bastardization of what was once a powerful and meaningful phrase.

To step beyond this manipulative and culturally abusive phrase, I propose these similar lines:

"In God We Trust"
(potential commercial uses - military recruitment, driver's education, CIA code-word)

"day that will live in infamy"
(commercial use - herpes medication, morning after pill, dr. kevorkian, get out the vote campaigns, gun shops)

"united we Stand"
(Commercial use - leprosy advocates, special olympics, military propaganda, character assassination political ads, the polio foundation, anti-landmine legislation, gay marriage advocates, etc... universally meaningless) Read more!

the force of steam be with you

Why settle for extreme nerdiness, when you could combine with extreme dorkiness, extreme weirdness, and extreme geekiness for the all-powerfull.....

Steampunk starwars figurines.

virgins everywhere, eat your hearts out. Read more!

7.22.2008

Kinetic Sculpture BMW

Read more!

6.30.2008

Advertising as Art



Yes, it can happen. I still get chills watching this. Read more!

6.24.2008

election logos now and then

Cool logos from presidential camps over the last 40 or so years. Read more!

6.19.2008

nerd

NERDCORE Read more!

6.18.2008

rock

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Quicksilver

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6.16.2008

I'm out bitches!

Dear Damned Friends;

This message has been sent to you by a friend or a relative who has recently disappeared along with millions and millions of people around the world.


The reason they chose to send you this letter is because they cared about you and would like you to know the truth about where they went.

This may come as a shock to you, but the one who posted this has been taken up to heaven. yup. we have wireless, and it blazes at the speed of lightning. online gambling is also legal, and i don't need to scrounge up any more fake identities and passwords, because all the porn sites are legal.

If you read a Bible, you will see that after chapter three in the book of Revelation, the church is no longer mentioned as being on earth. (The church are the believers in Jesus Christ, not the buildings in which people meet.) An alternative translation would suggest that we've lost our god-damned minds. We're not here, as in "not all-there".

In the Bible, 1 Thessalonians Chapter 4 verses 16 and 17 tell how Jesus came to take away His church. But, you have to believe the Bible is the Word of God in order to believe this.

I am sure that there will be a lot of speculation as to what happened to all these people. The theories of some scientists and world leaders will have so much credibility that most of the world will believe them. You may choose to ignore the skys of fire, the swarms of locusts and the giant evil demons as mere superstition.

It will sound like the truth! (if you can hear it amoungst the screams of horrifying pain.

But, there is only one truth. And, that truth is that Jesus Christ, God in the flesh, came back to earth and took with Him to Heaven all who believed in Him and made Him their Lord. If you don't believe me now, with the oceans burning the flesh of the sinners, then you are just plain old retarded.

If you would like to give your life to Jesus Christ and be born again, it is not too late. First you must pray to God saying"Father I admit I am a sinner, and I will turn from my sin and do good. I believe that Jesus was your son and that He came here to die for me so that my sins would be
forgiven. Especially because the four horsemen have been raping and pilliaging me for 3 months now, oh the burn... the sweet, sweet, burn. In Jesus
name I pray."

If you just prayed that prayer and meant it with all your heart, then God will know you as one of His own. You should now seek out others who have also given their lives to Christ, read a Bible daily, and do your best to bring others to Christ. Though you may find reading hard, as the locusts eat out your sinner eyeballs.

God bless you. SUCKAS!

(jesus if you are reading this post, please hold only me.. jonny.. accountable, judge the other contributors as you see fit, for I am full well aware that I am going to hell... they still think they have a chance... thanks.. hippie)

Also my pets are taken care of... until the batteries run out. If you too have raptured, send these letters to your friends, to mock them as they burn in hell for eternity. Dumb fuckers. Read more!

6.03.2008

RunningMan



This short changed my life Read more!

6.02.2008

Catch-Phrase Obituaries

"Bling-Bling"

Born: 1998 in South Los Angeles at a drunken MC battle. Proud father claims, "i needed something to rhyme with "ding-a-ling" and it just pop'd in my head."

Died: 2006
Cause of Death: Following a painfully drawn out public execution, Bling-Bling was assassinated by advertising, Raped to death by VJs and DJs, Stoned to death by white sub-urbanites across america, and finally... Bling-Bling's rotting corpse has been strung high on display in thousands of tourist shirts from boardwalks.

"How I/we/you Roll"

Born: 1975
Jive talking smooth loving KB Sunshine when introducing his brother to his new Cadillac in his typical laid-back vernacular.

Died: 2008
Cause, to be determined, however early reports site similar means to those used in the murder of Bling-Bling. Fears abound that there may be an Urban Slang Serial Killer hiding behind the white fence posts of Suburban United States. Read more!

5.29.2008

Transformation usually occurs at a crossroads.



papa legba, the gatekeeper.

12:20AM 3 miles south of the crossroads, 70 years to the day in almost exactly the same place Bessie Smith died in an automobile accident.

My life forever changed, the crossroad, the setting for my transformation. The only devil I made a deal with is this evil lil' roadster.

lightning strikes, the plastic piece of crap impeller in the waterpump quite literally explodes... my little black devil dumps its innards in a grotesque trail beginning at 100 mph and ending here. bumblefuckassnowhere. surrounded by cotton, mosquitoes, and a dreadful heavy air, that things will never again be the same.

Papa Legba don't like competition. I'm gonna run the fucker down next time. Read more!

5.28.2008

Pork and Beans

Couldn't help myself. I'm a huge geek for these guys.

Read more!

5.23.2008

Paint that shit gold

Awesome promotion site for hip hop artist.

TAG any website on the inet, while listening to some pretty snappy hip hop.

Great idea, and surprisingly good "graffiti" tools.

PAINT THAT SHIT Read more!

5.22.2008

a classic

Read more!

5.19.2008

Inspirational Quotes (said in my general direction) #1

Powerful man making evaluative decision on relatively large project.

"Well I don't know why, but I like all their stuff a lot (gestures towards my superiors), and I like all your stuff less so. But again, if you asked me, I don't know why." Read more!

5.16.2008

5.15.2008

belated mother's day special

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Relationship Advice from back in the day

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bob ross

I know it's cheap just posting videos... but hey, they're cool.

Read more!

5.12.2008

how i was concieved

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5.01.2008

UNCLE DAVE'S "ART" REVIEW

UNCLE DAVE'S "ART" REVIEW

Hi, I'm Uncle Dave. This is my art review. First post. I don't really know how all you "arty" people would do this. But I'm not your traditional art critic. I'm more of an everyday critic. That said, my silly nephew wants me to review this crap so here you go.

Wow. we started off this thing on a bad foot. what the hell is this garbage? I'm assuming it's what you people call "abstract" art. I think the translation from weirdo "art talk" to everyday AMERICAN for "abstract" is "bullshit".

Someone paid this guy to do this? I have seen more picturesque shits in public restrooms. What the hell. I am having second thoughts about this idea.

I.. can't really say anything else about this art. I know if I saw this on the street I would probably throw the crap in the trash.

Hopefully the next stuff will be worth my time.

If for some reason you'd rather go see this stuff than bang your nuts with a hammer, here's the link: oops i lost it... Trust me, I'm doing you a favor. It's at Yale School of Art's website if you're interested..

Uncle Dave Read more!

seventies strippers

http://www.flickr.com/photos/12846488@N00/ Read more!

4.30.2008

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4.25.2008

Look at these fucking ads!

www.aidsvertising.com Read more!

Arbitrary

creativity and reality don't mix. Read more!

4.23.2008

My Hero

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4.22.2008

Let's hope this doesn't turn out like Rocky I

Read more!
Let's hope this doesn't turn out like Rocky I. Read more!

4.18.2008

Poooooor Chinese Baby

Read more!

4.15.2008

KA-POW

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4.14.2008

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